attention

to all you fake bitches out there.
and yes, i said "bitches"
get some self respect.
this is a ranting type of scene
your sunglasses form 2 years ago
fake ass features and cut up creatures
its depressing.

smile your shiny white grill
and hide that inprovised feeling
for one more day and one more moment.
as much as i hate looking at people like you
all i want to do is give you a hug
smack the shit outta you
and tell you this one simple phrase.

"wanting to be someone you're not, is a waste of the beautiful person you are."- kurt cobain [yeah i added beautiful.. thought i'd update it]



W O R D

community service

i finish my final 3 hours, today.
177.5 hours with 10 hrs credit for detox [mugshot what]
166.5 hours walking out the court house..
and i have 3. hours. left.

a wrong choice turned
wrong turn formed
my life for
these past 4 months..
but i'm lucky.
honestly.. i'm truly lucky.

i've learned a tremendous amount
gained a ton of knowledge..
and know not one thing happens without a reason..

but,
it's somewhat depressing to think most people will never experience volunteering for the sake of.

too many people "less fortunate" and if we all pulled together long enough to feel something further than our "stressful shituations of everyday life" we'd actually make a difference..
and no im not trying to get all wishy washy sappy wappy on your butt..
i've simply been doing a ton of soul searching in these past months
and have realized how truly selfish we as people are.
its a natural and birth given trait..
but it doesnt make it right.. or attractive nonetheless.

so as i write off these last 3 hours..
i choose to not make this my last day..
but my first day willingly helping out.

is that funeral parade enough for you?

makeadifference.org
mtvu_cause effect
bigbrothers_bigsisters

[just to name a few]

missing, you've gone missing

locked in this mood and i can't get out.
shouting and shouting praying to be thrown out.
im fucking irrational and half gone insane
this all far too clear
a wee bit too near
somewhat too relative to label me
but i do it anyway.
or so we say

a witty insomniac
i have this wound far too deep
writing the key with no form of a beat
i'm falling face first in a sand filled too quick
a quick filled with sand errr a quick sanded grasp

a god damn soap opera spree
its that :

love saking,
heart breaking
finger cracking
teeth chattering
unwelcome mindset
to be real.

fuck this feeling i've recycled in my mind
i choose to rewind i choose to rewind !!
and erase those words
mumble and jumble those verbs
disform what you heard
about us.

i want the old us back.
i want the old us back.
i need the old us back.
for my sanity.

february 22nd, 2008

insane how one night.. with your loved ones.. can bring so much positivity to your soul. i've been starving for just a few hours of familyhood for my livelihood and as i'm not full.. or even content.. i'm a step away from starvation.

my birthday was perfect. even the blown out of proportion emotional breakdown with a certain someone.. much needed to keep my heart clear of haze. the fog has settled and i'm sippin some coffee.. waiting for the next dose of that funeral parade sweet tooth cure.

i am in love with these people.

my friendship soulmates. how did i ever become so fucking lucky? who knows.. but i am.

happy birthday to meeeee !

it's our birthdays. taking one more step in our parade...
a reunion and movement to bring in zee new year correctly..

this will be novel worthy.

miss. d

d & d, san francisco.

13 days in counting..

this is a story about assholes.

today, last year, i woke up handcuffed sitting in the back of a police vehicle.
today, i woke up to my cat lucy [aka lucifer] meowing outside my bedroom door.

ive got many homes, my homes away from home. la superior courthouse, departments, police stations & programs.
i want one home, but my leases arent up for another seven months.

"i have no money, no resources, no hopes, but i'm the happiest man alive."-henry miller

word on the street is..

... we're throwing a party?


in a few weeks d will be flying in from the bay.
in a few weeks sheeluvlee will be getting old.
in a few weeks im gonna get shit drunk.

this is a story about d. or rather, fp.

d has a friend, or should i say, non friend named lisa.. or layyashdflasf something with an "L"
for the sake of this story, we'll refer to her as homegirl aka dumb bitch.
homegirl thinks us fp kids are down right satanic worshipers because we have a passion for art, fashion, readin' & writin', haha.. even thrift store shopping(<--evil), music, oh how we love music, and dancing.. just to name a few.
although its only the opinion of one, she has decided to judge us based on our myspace profiles? our photos? cos the girl has never met us.
the silly thing is, all of us, we're quite normal. half of us are all lovey-dovey, peace not war, lets frolic down the hill side holding hands singing kumbaya. then theres the other half, okay, we're kinda bad. as in sleazy, but that dont mean satan's my daddy, dumb bitch.
in this day and age, who's anti-creativity. dont you write for a living anyways?

we may not seem it, but we are sweethearts.

so they say on the streets.